Trust me, it's okay to be clingy and intense.

Now that I’m done with graduate school, I realized I now have the luxury of time to meet people and date. Dating someone new is especially thrilling: the blindingly bright future, the peculiarly electrifying uncertainty, the obnoxiously cute attachment. Don’t we all just love how relationships typically begin?

As you get to know each other better, you focus your attention on this new person. You slowly (and unknowingly) tear down the sturdy wall you built—the same wall you intended to safeguard your frailties. While this can be magical, razing this wall to the ground can be a little too scary. Exposing yourself to unpredictability can either result to sheer bliss or irreparable mayhem. Surely rattling but worth it.

Wherever my dating life leads me, I usually just try to enjoy the process and bask in the moment. In the course of time, and with the help of my prying friends, I think I’ve already figured out what works for me when I involve myself with someone. Is it being too clingy (like how I am to my date)? Is it the intensity? Case by case, but you bet.

Unfortunately for me (us?), dating is bound by etiquette—a subjective, arbitrary list of dos and don’ts. To illustrate, sex after the first date. If two people truly hit it off after a fancy dinner, sex can be the perfect night cap. But some may label this as absurd and will easily cast aspersions on either or both parties. The relativity of how things can be construed is very confusing. Are we here to subscribe to vague conventions? Or are we all about pleasuring ourselves in ways not-so normative?  

Assuming there’s a follow through. Communication is constant. The effort is there as well. You inadvertently show deep desire and all of a sudden, you feel like you’re intensely hooked on this stranger. Interpreted as weakness, clinginess picks up its age-old reputation of a baleful manifestation of a failed relationship. We tend to paint a gloomy picture when talking about overeager love—or whatever it is. This, for most parts, simply isn’t fair. A relationship’s success should not be pinned on one’s decision to take the fast lane instead of taking it step-by-step. For me, it’s all about the varying degrees of attachment each one of us is sensitive to. One’s collective dating pattern may be a good basis in determining whether or not hyperintimacy at the onset will result to something favorable. This, however, is not foolproof.

I’m clingy. I'm intense. Marupok as hell. And I don’t think I should apologize for being so. It is not necessarily a bad thing. I believe being clingy and intense’s about being authentic. It’s about showing what you truly feel. It is about giving your all amid the risks. In fact, I can imagine my most amazing relationship right now, and that is with someone as clingy and intense as (I think) I am.

So when does an amazing relationship happen? It happens when the both of you breezily delete dating and hookup apps the moment you imagine having a great future together. It happens when the both of you send clear signals that you wanna date and get to know each other better without intentions of just messing around. It happens when the both of you trumpet each other to family and friends because, guess what, you both want your circles overlapped. It happens when the both of you treat responses to text messages as urgent because that’s just how excited you are to share your days' stories. It happens when the both of you yearn to spend quality time with each other despite hectic schedules. Ultimately, an amazing relationship happens when the both of you do not care about looking foolish in front of each other because you both know what genuine connection can do to you.

I don’t really mind being clingy and intense—if that means being true to myself and expressing what my heart feels. I figured a rapt and positive appreciation of such clinginess and intensity can be the right context for something propitious. 

So, hey, you. Come. Let’s be clingy and intense with each other. Regardless of where this will lead us to.

[Image from: Very Well Family]

Year out: We made it!

2018 has been extraordinarily exhilarating. This year has been my first full year in New York. I never thought I’d survive January through December without getting a glimpse of home. Thankfully, I did! We are now on our last day of the year and looking back, it has been a year full of unexpected awesomeness and valuable lessons.

People.

Meeting new and old friends is always a great way to feed your soul. This year, I was able to deepen my professional and personal relationships with some of my graduate school colleagues. If not for them, my professional life would have been topsy-turvy. Well, a wee bit, I guess?

I was also able to solidify my social circle in the city that never sleeps. Being away from home gave me a sense of insecurity. Thanks to these friends, I managed to adjust gracefully. I don’t know if I can already consider myself a full-fledged New Yorker, but I can smoothly say New York is now my home. And it’ll probably be my home for the next few years or next few decades... Whatever.

I’ve also met a bunch of people who I knew I’d meet for a reason. Some reminded me of how the pain felt like. Others taught me to see the value in trivial things. Whatever the reasons may be, I am a lot stronger and a lot weaker because of these people. It has truly been a pleasure!

Places.

Exploring has never been this fun! Working my way around tough situations, I learned that money is not a requirement to bring you to places. Your dreamland may just be a blink away. Sometimes, blurring the lines between reality and make-believe helps you travel to places you have never imagined visiting.

It may have been a little difficult for my predicament to physically travel (yup, I’m broke AF) but it sure was easy to still fly high and rejuvenate my consciousness. I needed a break. Little did I know that the break I was talking about was a break from monotony, a break from where comfort used to pamper me.

With renewed spirits, I choose to stay put and wander.

Things.

Nothing. Yes. This year was about not giving a damn about how people think about me. This year was about caring less by being a little more sensitive. This year, too, was about mindful detachment from earthly possessions. This year was about owning nothing but having everything.

Experiences.

Most of all, 2018 is about keeping tabs of the experiences that have molded and will continue to inspire me to keep on keeping on. It has definitely been about chronicling how blessed I have been amid my struggles. It’s easy to complain about how I ended up doing odd jobs. But I thought it would be way easier to appreciate the fact that many people would kill just to be where I am right now. Yes, I am talking about the same silver lining she talked about in her answer.

The glass is half full, y'all. Congratulations. We all have survived the year that was. Whatever is in store for us, I’m sure we’d be able to manage. Thank you (2018), (on to the) next.

7 Signs Telling You It’s Time To Let Go (Even Before It Begins)

All of us have gone through heartaches, and heartaches do not happen in the beginning. Before we let our tears roll down our cheeks, we all feel that ecstasy brought about by eros—as if lying on a bed of roses helping us surpass every hurdle we encounter. I don’t want you to take it to mean that romantic love always results in heartaches. The truth is, however, most of us mistake something else for love.

We readily get blown away by what seems to be a semblance of immense bliss. We are easily swayed to fight for what we believe is love, mostly without a sense of deep reflection on whether or not it will be worth the effort, the time, and probably the pain in the end. So how do we know if it’s still a good call? Here’re seven signs telling you it’s time to let go.

1. You trivialize major offenses. 

It’s okay to be magnanimous towards people who are resentful. But when they are not and you know you have been offended by their actions (or words?), think again. Flirting with multiple people at once. Lying about things. Talking about exes too much. These behaviors speak volumes of a person’s disposition. Tolerating these just because you think the person can change is not the kind of compromise you should make.

2. You start to question your self-worth.

There will come a time when all you do is just cry and wonder. During this time, you question your value as a human being. You doubt your capabilities. When you start questioning the merits of your being, you should also start questioning where this “relationship” will eventually lead you to. 

3. You try to ignore red flags but end up thinking about them a lot. 

As you walk past the best-foot-forward stage, you both slowly reveal your true colors. Along the way, the negative characteristics, mostly behavioral, of the person start to unfold before your eyes. From materialistic tendencies to one-sided “deep” conversations, comfortability and familiarity catalyze the stripping off of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

These red flags are first observed by your friends. They make these qualities known to you yet you facilely shrug them off. Believe it or not, your friends play an important role in your dating life. So when they tell you that some things are out of the ordinary, listen to them.

4. You morph into someone you are not.

When it is your nature to be honest and you suddenly “enjoy” lying on orders from the other party, it’s time to reassess. Your core values and life visions make you elementally unique. Forcing you to change into someone you are obviously not is clearly a brazen disrespect to your individuality. If and when this happens, it’s time to move forward. You deserve a person who will appreciate you for who you are. You deserve someone who will preserve your morals and uphold your principles, recognizing them as crucial factors to your identity.

5. You feel that the other party’s convenience becomes central to your dynamics.

Compromises are important to make any relationship work. But if you find yourself in a situation where you sacrifice a whole lot just so you can serve convenience on a silver platter then you are bound for a lot of disappointments. This setup leads to emotional bondage and is usually founded on selfish gains. Unfortunately, convenience lays the foundation of a relationship based on lust, selfishness, and obsession. 

6. Your presence only serves to stroke the other’s ego.

Sparks and chemistry do not justify tolerance of f*ckboy mentality. You both should complement each other. Pause and ponder when you think boosting the other person’s ego becomes an imposed responsibility rather than a voluntary thing.

7. Your prayers to God include sparing you of unnecessary tears and intolerable pain.

They say the only way for you to know you have loved dearly is when you ask divine intervention to guide you through a rollercoaster ride. This is a clear manifestation that things have gone out of hand and only godly actions can salvage you from this seemingly abysmal situation.

If you think you’ve spotted these signs, you should take the opportunity to think back and reevaluate. We all want to be in a harmonious relationship. These early indicators do not point to a good and rewarding outcome. If we insist on things that cannot be, we will only end up endangering our standards. Remember, these standards were set at a point where there’s clarity of mind and a high level of consciousness, thus, making it reflective of what we truly want in a partner. Heightened emotions can lead to questionable decisions. Do not let your emotions consume you. Do not subject yourself to the fickleness of being presumably in love. After all, you do not want to jeopardize the possibility of a happy ending just because you want the wrong person to be the right one. 

[Cover photo from here]

Grad School Application Personal Statement

We all know how crucial personal statements are in graduate school applications. Back in 2017, I applied for a graduate program in Branding and Integrated Communications (Public Relations) at the City University of New York, City College. 

I would like to share with you the personal statement I submitted to the admissions committee. Special thanks to my bestfriend, Bunny, for editing and proofreading. 

***

I was born and raised in Zamboanga, a city in Mindanao, Philippines, where Islamic secessionist groups and government forces have always been up in arms against each other. As a child, I was exposed to news of weekly kidnap-for-ransom activities in nearby towns, as well as random bombing incidents in and out of the city. It was almost a desperate situation for my family because of the persistent interfaith battle going on in my city for years now. I’ve seen poverty and desperation before my eyes.

I took up public administration in the country’s premier educational institution, the University of the Philippines. But I also had to make ends meet. I had to work part-time in the various offices on campus while simultaneously serving as research assistant. However, these challenges were nothing compared to a young man’s dream of earning a degree from the Philippines’ top university. I was immersed in public policy and volunteer sector management. I knew in an instant that I wanted to serve the people and apply the theories I have learned in class to solve contemporary social issues in my country.

After my undergraduate studies, I went to work with the Philippine Department of Budget and Management as a junior policy analyst, helping ensure that government systems and procedures were effective and efficient. Another milestone was when I worked for a member of the House of Representatives of the Philippines as the chief policy and legislative officer. I was tasked to work on policy formulation, legislation, and advocacy. In addition, I handled media affairs and public relations. This was the turning point of my career. I knew I wanted to take the path leading toward communications work in a professional setting. Mentored by my supervisor back then, Ms. Vanessa V. Unlayao, I saw how communications work played a very vital role in an organization.

After my government stint, I then moved to a nonprofit organization. This time, I functioned as the communications and advocacy officer of an international development organization based in The Hague, The Netherlands. Our organization focused on the eradication of child exploitation across the globe, with emphasis on the Philippines—the hot target of child sex offenders. I built networks with media organizations, government stakeholders, and other development partners. Because of my interaction with these key people, it was evident to me that most homegrown nonprofit organizations in the country omit the role of a communicator in their structures. Most community organizers do not see the value of a communications specialist in the organization thinking that this position does not translate to direct impact to the beneficiaries. As such, I am resolved to do further studies on communication as a discipline and strengthen my expertise on this area to help build a strong alliance of communicators in nonprofit organizations in the Philippines.

I started with only a desire to get away from the perils of interfaith confrontation. I went on to my goal of helping build back a better Zamboanga after all the effects of a long standing conflict. Now, as I move further and as I open my eyes to the many facets of the Philippine society, I am bound by my conscience to create significant change in my country using the most potent weapon man has ever encountered—communication.

Not quite there yet. But trying.

I have always been obsessed with the concept of love and how it brings joy to everyone who experiences it—not because of its magic but mostly because of how it practically helps you survive your day-to-day struggles cheerily. I have always believed that love is so powerful that however much you were hurt before, real love can trump this negative feeling. I’ve always shooed away cynical people whenever they question the existence of true love and insist it just wrecks the lives of people. Turns out, my thoughts about true love are so pure, almost to a point of being beguiled by my own musings. Love, in every beginning, should be great, one that uplifts the spirit. It should smell like the aroma of freshly lit candles straight out of the grocery bag. It should feel like a warm shower right before retiring on a chilly night. It should look like stars twinkling in the dark blue sky after a day of heavy downpour. It should sound like soft whispers of cicadas, which will most likely put you to sleep amid the exasperating noise. It should taste like a newly popped bottle of Malbec—crisp and lush. But why does it hurt? If love is such a wonderful thing, why does it always come with pain? People tend to drown themselves in the idea of being in love. There’s nothing wrong about it. But they should be reminded that love is not about nights when you cry yourself to sleep. It’s not about incessant drinking to a point of bleeding your gut. It shouldn’t be about random crazy nights of sitting on pavements wishing you’d see them by their doorstep. It is definitely not about spending $1300 on the most expensive bottle of wine just so you can make yourself feel good. It’s also not about begging for affection and sex just so you can be assured that something’s going on between you. Love and relationships sometimes go hand in hand. We all want that love to flourish into something transcendental. We all want to be in a relationship that’s real and truly deserving of our time and effort. All of these, we express in a seemingly haphazard and hasty manner. But what’s more agonizing is how we end up seeing ourselves in compromising situations. We compromise our beliefs. We compromise our standards. More so, we compromise our self-worth. We swing from tree to tree just to make an innocuous connection work. We climb mountains only to find out no one is there to face us. Everything becomes a vicious cycle. Suddenly, the magical feeling is fading. Until one day, you realize that what you thought was cunning is slowly transforming into a black hole that sucks all your energy from within. And yet, you continue to cling onto that one possibility. You still hope that if you just give it your all, something good might happen, borne out of a fairytale mindset likely coupled with unimaginable pain. You just want to be free from this senseless captivity. But you also fear that liberty is not the answer. On and off. You make decisions without thinking. But the fear of not being able to love someone as much is just creeping in. You are afraid to lose that special someone who isn’t even sure of things. You are afraid. And you realize.. That’s all it is. You will always be scared. You will always be scared of things that are uncertain. You will always be afraid of something you don’t deserve. The craziest part of being in love is realizing that after going through all this grueling pain, you still end up thanking God for all the wonderful moments you have shared with that one person. You still silently wish that sooner or later, your stars will align. You secretly hope and pray that one day, the person who gave you immense suffering will be the same person who you’d celebrate your triumphs with. You intimately imagine how beautiful a life both of you can have together. All these wishful thoughts, wet pillows, and soft wails. What a way to end each and every day. I guess, that’s the beauty of love after all—learning to embrace the pain of letting go while continuing to live in a world of fantasy and make-believe. Excruciatingly beautiful. I do not despise myself for having these celestial ideas of how true love should be characterized. Perhaps, what I believed in still stands. Only that, I am yet to meet that one person who will be a testament to how all these otherworldly concepts can be attributed to love.

[Cover photo by https://unsplash.com/@larm]

[Originally posted on Facebook]